last night was one of my most terrifying nights ever. was scared the hell outta my wits. and i couldn’t even remember anymore the last time i felt that way. i suck @ myself ( i suck i suck!).. and i never felt that horrible for long- not for the last few years.
i don’t know if what i am saying makes sense or gonna make sense. but have you ever felt the fear being on the verge of losing something so precious and u know it would feel like losing a limb when it happens and u know your life is about to turn upside-down after that? feels like your struggling to grab for something to hold on to coz your already about to fall on a high cliff? for sure u wouldnt wanna be in the same situation.. but i had just survived one today. well, not literally of same scenario but exactly of same feeling, or even worse. worse than being caught by your dad sneaking out or being late for your curfew or being grounded. worse than a kid being spanked for a lil secret she’s been keeping coz she knew her dad would be mad like hell and might forget she’s still her little baby ..and she cud only promise she would never ever behave same way again and promise to all heavens she would do better next time..
i was horrified. felt like i took something and i am being asked for the price without having even a single penny in my pocket! felt like being given a favor and couldn’t afford what’s being asked in exchange! i felt like banging my head on the wall or diving then hit rock bottom. and i could only wish for –i dont know! the girl with so much pride and an all too bratty suddenly felt like a dope of herself! well, its like she just took her own doze of medicine and almost got overdozed !
it felt like i just lost a multi-million dollar deal. i was the perfect example of being lost and dont know what to do - but was only sure of one thing. i dont wanna lose it. not now not ever. i dont wanna lose something as precious as that in just a snap and for reason thats not even worth it. well, how cud i be stupid thinking it was just nothing.. as if i just omitted one bit of cookie from mom’s cookie jar..
it was really one traumatic “scene” of a nightmare and i sure dont wanna go same “screenplay” again.. no way..soreee..:o luvyamore po!!!
[ but i felt kinda weird though..this is so not me =p]
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