again&again, my toughest ordeal&worst turmoil — fighting this feeling– of missing someone you could no longer even touch. you can only feel his presence from somewhere and you just dont know whether to cry or smile…this heart-twisting&chest-wrenching feeling that i dont know when i could totally get thru..
i wanna get past thru it, just that,during down times, you cant help turning to that someone you knew who would be more than loving to stand with you thru anything,and more than willing to face everything ahead of you in order to spare you from whatever it is that you’d possibly have a hard time facing with..who could have been there all thru out had he been given the chance to..had he been here still, had his time was not yet over, had he been given more days to spend with me..with us.. until we’d be finally ready to let him go.. but God knew too that there would never come a time that we’d be ready for it, and i know it pains Him too knowing that i’d be totally wrecked by what He’s about to do, and yet there could be no other choice.. its either my pain, or that someone’s pain.. and it pains me more seeing him that way so might as well surrender him to Him.. question is - why didnt He think of giving me more strength upon doing that? i am strong, yes. but just not strong enough to keep me going without making my journey a lot heavier by always looking back from time to time and wishing&crying&eventually fall down again&again..
rainy days make me feel sick. it makes me think of this one person i wud be willing to trade anything, just to have him back..how i wish i could beg mr.clock to run counterclockwise.. and how i wish i could stil believe in birthday wishes after it failed me on that very day i wished that for once, birthday wishes may indeed be true..
he was the best ive ever had..my dad..my everything..and used to be, my life..=(
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