UNTITLED

which is which?

WHICH IS WHICH?
Fight for your love or set them free?
WHICH IS RIGHT?
Forgive then forget or forget then forgive?
WHAT IS REALLY RIGHT?
I love you because I need you or I need you because I love you?
SHOULD IT BE?
To see is to believe or believe when you see it?
DOES IT HAVE TO BE?
Action speaks louder than words but still words hurt more than action.
IS IT?
Love for a reason or the reason is love?

uncertainties

if u asked me to .. =[
hay =[  why it has to be that complicated? life’s twists and turns sometimes can be all too confusing .. but who am i to question life’s complexities?
why do we have to deal with our emotions so badly , why cant it be just like dealing with your cranky professors and brain-wracking law subjects? it could have been a lot easier.
cant  it be just as simple as meeting the perfect man, go for him, then learn to love him later ? instead of meeting this man , love him in an instant then go for him even if he’s far from being the perfect one you have been dreaming all your life? =[
i love life. i love the feeling of being in love. i love to give every possible thing a shot..but ironically, i hate uncertainties.
life. so frustrating. ( sigh! )

limited edition

BOYS become MEN when they:
Follow you when you walk out, call you back when you hang up, hug you tight when you punch them, kiss you when you nag, watch chick-flicks with you, tolerate your crying over love stories, hand you the remote, pass on booze night just to listen to your ranting, don’t flare up when you give car directions, says i’m sorry and tells you he needs you..
someone who holds your hands most of the time, one who’s not afraid to say he would be a total mess without you, someone who can just simply look into your eyes giving you the sweetest feeling you could ever imagine, someone who’s not ashamed to tell you he loves you even in front of his friends.. just someone.. who calls you  his life, his everything .. =[
Now i can tell, that men are seldom..sort of LIMITED EDITION =P

confusion

I don’t have a problem meeting men, but I seem to attract all the WRONG GUYS. Why is this?

I’ve been hurt before, and I don’t feel like getting back out there and get serious again. How do I get myself to a place where I can open up to a man again and go about this?

I’d love to be with a great guy and enjoy a close and loving relationship… but there don’t seem to be any good single guys around.

yes,you meet a guy, you feel a strong level of chemistry and connection for him, and you get involved with him.

Then comes your first mistake-

Only AFTER THE FACT, once you’ve already

become totally into him you do realize that you’re simply heading nowhere =[ and it is indeed a total WHACK upside the head for you.

I DON’T believe that men are afraid of real relationships.Not at all.

I believe that men simply don’t care much about relationships until they feel and experience that intense flood of EMOTIONS that takes over their body and mind.

That flood of feelings and emotions that takes over a man’s thoughts and desires, and would be capable of literally causing a man to do a complete 180 degree turn away from his prior wants and beliefs.

MEN ARE SIMPLY MEN. no more , no less ..

i am in pain

Sometimes when u thought you almost got everything and that there’s nothing else you ought to be but be happy, just when reality strikes — THAT YOU REALLY AREN’T WHAT U THINK U R..
that you aren’t just not as happy as what u think..
how i wish m just like any other typical girl who wud just worry their lovelives, what they’re gonna wear the next day, how do they look, whats gonna be the next color of their nails, their hairstyle, where’s the next night-out or simply worry if the guy they like likes them back?..
wishes..
wishes wishes..
my life’s just too complicated. the more i  tried to get untangled the more the knot gets tighter.
i dnt want the world to see me like this..
why cant i just be simply happy?
i am scared..just so scared..
that because of this fear i tend to get overprotective of myself and worst, i tend to hurt the people who just cared for me a lot..
i miss my dad..
i stil cry at night.. i fear being alone but i think its the only way to make me feel safe..
it makes me feel bad instead, when people tell me they envy my life..they dont knw..they just dnt knw..
sometimes, i hate myself when i laugh out loud. so tired with such hypocrisy..
i know a lot of people love me, i can always feel i am loved.. and i love them back for that..
i just cnt let go of myself and embrace them back for being there for me..
i just cnt simply be there for them too..
i wanna be home..but i wanna know first where that home is..i just dont know..
all i know is i only have myself, i only got me to lean on..
i know i have pushed a lot of people away  when all they wanna do is stay and be with me..
but until i learn to love myself a lil more and can finally say i love “me” more than anybody else? then, this way i have to stay.
i thought i have always known what i really want .but im absolutely wrong . just so wrong..
i die a lil everyday..
something’s just pulling me through..
i wanna be in loud places [ just to forget everything] but i hate being there too.. i hate those people who could only care less with what the world’s gonna say..
i felt so bad everytime i convince myself that i can always manage and just let those people come and go.. how i wish i could have at least the tiniest guts to ask them to stay even just for a lil while.. i just cant.. it gives me the creeps thinking they could possibly be happier somewhere else and i am just holding them back.. when in fact all they want is simply be with me?
and the more i drive them away, the more they keep on coming back , and the more they keep coming back, the more scared i felt?
i just cant handle the truth.. the truth that i can also be happy with them..
just dont know how to deal with it..
i just contain myself with the idea that a fleeting moment with someone is already enough when there could have been  more to that..
.. everything just keeps on haunting me..
i dont know why i am writing these all..i dont even understand what i really feel coz all i wanna understand is how must i feel..
this couldnt be happening but too bad it is..
this is just the reality of me..
and i am in pain.. with one deep cut inside.. ; (

rainy days make me sick

again&again, my toughest ordeal&worst turmoil — fighting this feeling– of missing someone you could no longer even touch. you can only feel his presence from somewhere and you just dont know whether to cry or smile…this heart-twisting&chest-wrenching feeling that i dont know when i could totally get thru..
i wanna get past thru it, just that,during down times, you cant help turning to  that someone you knew who would be more than loving to stand with you thru anything,and more than willing to face everything ahead of you in order to spare you from whatever it is that you’d possibly have a hard time facing with..who could have been there all thru out had he been given the chance to..had he been here still, had his time was not yet over, had he been given more days to spend with me..with us.. until we’d be finally ready to let him go.. but God knew too that there would never come a time that we’d be ready for it, and i know it pains Him too knowing that i’d be totally wrecked by what He’s about to do, and yet there could be no other choice.. its either my pain, or that someone’s pain.. and it pains me more seeing him that way so might as well surrender him to Him.. question is - why didnt He think of giving me more strength upon doing that? i am strong, yes. but just not strong enough to keep me going without making my journey a lot heavier by always looking back from time to time and wishing&crying&eventually fall down again&again..
rainy days make me feel sick. it makes me think of this one person i wud be willing to trade anything, just to have him back..how i wish i could beg mr.clock to run counterclockwise.. and how i wish i could stil believe in birthday wishes after it failed me on that very day i wished that for once, birthday wishes may indeed be true..
he was the best ive ever had..my dad..my everything..and used to be, my life..=(