we always tend to build a wall around ourselves to protect us especially if we’ve already been hurt before or still tend to hurt ourselves everytime we go out of that wall.
LIMPED & CRUMPLED
i had exposed myself to the bitter reality of life at a very young age- i was hurt,so hurt that to be strong is the only choice being left for me.
it is difficult indeed to be crumpled or worst, torn into pieces because the one who would put those pieces back together might take too long or a lil too late.
everyone who said they wil stay, either left or pushed me away. and everyone who said they love me for real are the ones who caused me too much pain -
i love life, i love “love” ,i just wanna live and love with the right people with the right perspective . hope i can stil play naive with life that i cud pretend i only knew shallow pain and just like a kid - a simple candy would already wipe the bitterness away. but when emotions are at height we felt like everyday is a free sunday afternoon - a play day where we could go wild as we can- unrestrained. only to realize how reckless we have been after a bad fall-and then opps, another scar in the making..
and when we’re hurt its so easy to close ourself up.
there was even a time that i turned myself deaf from a yearn of optimism- on things who have caused me undeniable pain- that the word “unfair” is the only thing left on my mind. but then i realized it wont do me any good. so i learned to weep and endure the pain for a short while -listen to meaningful songs just to let everything out -( music has a great impact on me and listening to my fave songs helps me pour my heart out and makes me think things over. it makes my mind a lil bit sober when emotions are just so enraging. songs relieve me. sad songs may make me feel sick but no doubt, they help me weigh things up). im not the type who wallow up on things for long. i just cry myself all night-just for a night,crawl up in bed, cry myself to sleep and then the next morning im already good as new=).
JUST SHRUG IT OFF
i once fell and someone came and offered his hand giving me courage to take few tentative steps and assured me that he wont let go. his words were a comfort but as i began to put my weight on that prson trusting him enough, i crumpled again (he’s simply not that strong for me or his strength is not that enough for the two of us).
but hey, i could just shrug it off, i could just rest for a while and then try again though being already limped makes it a lil harder to go on with enough faith. but a lil faith isnt enough to make me grow tired. i may be limped yes, but one slow step at a time would stil get me there.
once i thought i dnt wanna run anymore & i dont know when wil i ever wanna run again because the memory of my falldowns would always remind me not to run careless and free and one more terrible fall might finally make me retreat to the inner sanctity of my tiny fortress- this wall i built all around me where everytime i tried to tumble down the bricks, the ray of promise simply frightened me. so for quite a while ive built these defenses all thru me - making me play it cool- but in just a blink of an eye, there i go again, jumping and running carefree and wild. but this time i hardly care - i can always cure my wounds anyway or better yet, have someone mend it for me =)
you fell, got a scar, picked a lesson, played safe for a lil while but then again someone would come and gives you a lil spark of hope and you let him in, only to mess you up again with another terrible fall but always remember, falling down wont kill you. it could only be fatal if you want it to . ive never been bitter with love even if it brings out my stupid self most of the time.
..i may not be good at love but if someone is willing to compromise with me, we could master it perfectly together ..=)
AS LONG AS..
i must say emotions are a dangerous thing- but its always up to you on how to deal with it- you may choose bitterness or the sweetness of the torment you’ve been into but either way, its just a matter of putting things in perspective- with yourself as the main consideration. wallowing is a thing - but only for a reasonable time. wallow on your tears and fears but be sure to get back on track.
it may be difficult to find true happiness- one moment you have it and the next moment its gone that it is easier to lock yourself up, but there wil always be a promise of a true bliss out there- just there trying to reach you out- just dont blur yourself with the pain and the hurt youve been undergoing or have undergone, for you to see it, coz you might never know its already on its way that if you tend to turn your back on, it might have passed away without you taking notice of it.
..as long as there will be mornings for you to greet mr. sunshine, then you will be pretty fine=)
No comments:
Post a Comment