My family is fighting an uphill battle right now.Mom’s sick. She’s been undergoing treatment and medication which she utterly hates.
she hates taking medicines.she dreaded going to the hospital.the medication for her is a physiological, mental and psychological torture altogether. she’s so weak and her health declines so fast. she’s feeling off and having a hard time doing things by herself.she hardly eats, her appetite loss is making things worse. i know shes feeling awful she just kept it inside and does not complain most of the time.
one morning shes able to get off the bed and shower and eat and the next shes down again. its so sickening to get msgs or calls frm my sister that shes having chills again. fever. didnt eat. vomits.
she often rants about how she hates taking those unpleasant-tasting and stomach-wrenching pills .she sometimes pretend to be ok just to excuse herself from taking those. i painstakingly explain to her each medication shes taking and its effects if shes gonna stop taking even one of them.one morning shes able to get off the bed and shower and eat and the next shes down again. its so sickening to get msgs or calls frm my sister that shes having chills again. fever. didnt eat. vomits.
its so sickening for me to see my mom that way.
we are wavering against unfavorable circumstances and i myself is struggling against my fears.
It is human nature, denial, when something threatens us.wish i could just sleep and sleep. or stay away from her. at first i only prefer to wait for my sisters’ updates instead of looking after her personally. its really difficult for me to experience this again. ive been thru a lot when my dad got sick too. weve been thru the same and we lost.and now im scared of losing again. its so hard to see a sick loveone.
I think what I did was some form of defense mechanism. Denial. That I dont wanna see her like that.to see her sick and so weak. ive always known her to be a very strong woman. shes been thru the hardest and toughest battles and ordeals.i don’t even remember my mom ever being sick when i was growing up! she cant even believe shes sick and how she got it. shes been asking me what are its causes or what cud have she done to have acquired it.
wish i could just go on thinking that my mom is a wonderwoman.invincible. i wont mind seeing her so rough on things rather seeing her so weak.the not so typical of her.
wish i could take from her all the sufferings
I love her so much that my system shut off in reaction to her current state because it threatens me, that it worries me so much, that maybe if I don’t pay much attention to it, it will go away.
i even felt that im unconsciously pushing her to be strong and act strong.to recover as quickly as possible, partly for selfish reasons.so id be assured that she’d be ok. and the next day id be seeing her as healthy as before and back to her normal routine. . I guess that is a normal way to cope, no matter to which side we lean.
sometimes i hate the fact of being the youngest and more so a “menopausal” one.i wont mind being the eldest and looking after my younger siblings. i am willing to compromise the spoiling of a youngest, of being the family’s baby ,just to spend a much longer time with your lovedones esp ur parents. i know i have my shortcomings too. for always being away, for preferring to stay far from them but as long as i know they’re healthy and ok, that we are all healthy ,then im ok as well.
wish i could just go on thinking that my mom is a wonderwoman.invincible. i wont mind seeing her so rough on things rather seeing her so weak.the not so typical of her.
wish i could take from her all the sufferings
I love her so much that my system shut off in reaction to her current state because it threatens me, that it worries me so much, that maybe if I don’t pay much attention to it, it will go away.
i even felt that im unconsciously pushing her to be strong and act strong.to recover as quickly as possible, partly for selfish reasons.so id be assured that she’d be ok. and the next day id be seeing her as healthy as before and back to her normal routine. . I guess that is a normal way to cope, no matter to which side we lean.
sometimes i hate the fact of being the youngest and more so a “menopausal” one.i wont mind being the eldest and looking after my younger siblings. i am willing to compromise the spoiling of a youngest, of being the family’s baby ,just to spend a much longer time with your lovedones esp ur parents. i know i have my shortcomings too. for always being away, for preferring to stay far from them but as long as i know they’re healthy and ok, that we are all healthy ,then im ok as well.
mothers don’t get sick, do they? theyre not even supposed to take a day off.
but oh well, this is where I need to fill myself with truth and keep up with things before it will all be too late. i need to be strong for her.u cant blame me though. it’s just that when your mother is so amazing, you can’t help but believe she is battery powered or something.
i dont wanna feel sorry about this. coz i know HE has His reasons. i dont even wanna utter the word “unfair”. coz i have no single right to question His will.
i just wish HE shall grant me a broader perspective on this- His second strike.i am scared of losing . but scary as an unknown future can seem, so long as i am in motion, then i can hope that tomorrow will be a bit better. we can get past thru this, i know. i hope.i pray.
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